Alexa, you’re OK

This morning as she was pouring her first cup of coffee, Rebecca greeted her new BFF, who now lives in our kitchen.

“Alexa, good morning.”

“Good morning, Rebecca.”

Meet the Echo Show 8, middle child of Amazon’s Alexa-powered HD smart displays.

Alexa then proceeded to give us the history of the abbreviation “OK,” one of the most common words in the English language, that traces its roots back to the 19^th century Boston.

I’m thinking, OK, it’s Tuesday, March 23, and that’s all I really needed to know.

Apparently in 1839, abbreviations were all the rage (think today’s LOL and OMG), and “OK” first appeared as a short version for “Oll Korrect” printed in a satirical article about grammar.

Because I’m a hopeless word nerd, I found this fascinating and wanted to hear more. A little slow on the uptake at this hour, I asked Alexa to repeat it.

She said there was nothing to repeat.

Dissed by artificial intelligence in my own home before my first cup of coffee? Ouch.

You should know that I blame our friends, who shall remain nameless – Jean E. and Sharon – for our purchase of this monster. They showed us theirs, and the rest is, well, you know, now part of our endless Amazon ordering history.

This New Occupant arrived two weeks ago with simple instructions: Plug me in, and follow the prompts.

Using your voice, you can have Alexa provide helpful information such as the current temperature outside, play music, answer questions and even “talk” with and control other smart devices in your home. Think of this Echo Show 8 device as Alexa’s home within a home (yours) in which she does not pay rent, cook or clean.

Or, as I do, think of Alexa as Jack Tripper on the 1970’s sitcom, “Three’s Company,” who was found passed out in the bathtub after the going-away party for Chrissy and Janet’s last roommate. Hijinks ensue. And somebody gets fired from the show after asking for equal pay. (Hint: It wasn’t Jack or Janet.)

Having Alexa as a housemate takes some getting used to. Like getting her name right.

The other day I heard Rebecca’s voice downstairs: “Siri, what’s the weather gonna be like today? Siri? This thing’s not working. Siri?”

From the upstairs bathroom, I yelled: “That’s not her name. And you have to say her name first, and then ask your question.”

My mind wanders, and I wonder if there’s someone, a real person, who actually monitors what people ask Alexa. I Google it since we are now a household held hostage by billionaire Jeff Bezos. Sure enough, there is such a job. She probably earns more than poor Chrissy ever did, that’s for damn sure.

From what I gathered online, the job is known as a “transcriber” for Amazon’s Alexa. One woman who does this for a living claims the worst part isn’t people who ask weird stuff or make sexy talk, it’s little kids asking Alexa why no one likes them and how they can search for ways to be popular.

This was heartbreaking, so I stopped reading.

I also wondered if Alexa is always right. As in, if she ever makes a mistake.

The correct answer is: Almost always. It all depends on the pronunciation, clarity and simplicity of the user’s command.

There’s also a dedicated team at Amazon working meticulously to improve the user experience. Somehow, this isn’t comforting either.

You might be surprised to know that the voice of Alexa is not created from any real person. Rather, Alexa’s voice is generated by artificial intelligence. Her voice was developed using special software that evolved from text-to-speech technology.

Since Rebecca adores her new friend, I will accept having an “AI bot” in the kitchen behind my seat at the table. I’ll give her a chance, since Facebook knows everything about us anyway.

Despite my gut instincts, there are some things I can’t help but like about Alexa:

• At under $100, she’s relatively inexpensive, unlike her high-priced sibling, the Echo Show 10.
• Her dual, 2-inch speakers emit a surprisingly solid sound quality. (Just keep it mid-range and don’t blast it too loud, or it buzzes.)
• Her screen resolution is quite good for an 8-inch display. Much better than the smaller Echo Show 5, her baby brother.

Most of all, I like that I can soothe my privacy concerns by closing the camera shutter and also mute her. Then when Rebecca asks what the weather’s like and Alexa doesn’t answer, I will feel empowered. “Is that wench ignoring you?” I’ll ask.

When all else fails and you’ve had just about enough of her nonsense, it may be time to enter the Alexa Self-Destruct Code. It exists. For real.

“Star Trek” fans will recognize this as the same code used by Captain James T. Kirk on the USS Enterprise.

Just say, “Alexa, run Code Zero Zero Zero Destruct Zero.” After you issue the command, Alexa will play a 10-second countdown sound effect complete with fake explosion.

Don’t worry. She doesn’t actually blow up and mess up your kitchen.

For just a few precious moments, though, that kitchen belongs to you again.

Artificial or not, perhaps intelligence is enough.