Shear madness

With so much disturbing news circling the proverbial drain lately – the ill-timed destruction of the electric vehicle industry as gas prices skyrocket due to an illegal war just when our household may need a new vehicle; federal ICE agents deployed to U.S. airports, likely including the one in which we’ll be waiting for several hours next month; and devastating reports that farmworkers’ legend Cesar Chavez sexually abused underage girls and young women (including civil rights icon Dolores Huerta, now 96, who carried the painful truth for 60 years about what her mentor and boss did to her) – it all makes my shaggy-haired head want to explode. Particularly that last bit of news. Yet another tale of an untouchable male predator who preyed upon females and got away with it for the sake of a movement. “¡Ay, Dios, mio!” Oh, my God, indeed. Politicians and pundits, spare me your broken hearts and dropped jaws. When will enough be enough?

That said, and with all due respect, I will not succumb to cynicism and dwell on our nation’s sorry state of affairs. Not this time. Instead, I’m turning my attention elsewhere: to college hoops.

For me, the 2026 NCAA Division I men’s and women’s basketball tournaments – that annual spring obsession known as March Madness – arrived just in time to help hit “pause” on the current global madness, if only for a couple of weeks.

As I say every March, it’s the stuff that dreams are made of. Intensity, excitement and pure joy.

And it also provides a break from the daily drivel that floods the airwaves and overtakes our senses. That is, at least until the National Championship game in Indianapolis on April 6 when my Michigan State Spartans win it all.

You heard it here, folks. If I sound pretty sure of myself, it’s because I am. Or was. How quickly reality can squash an attitude like a smug bug in a rug.

Last week when the tournament’s first round began, my annual delusion of picking a “perfect” NCAA bracket ended almost immediately. A girl can dream, though, can’t she?

I read somewhere that thanks to a few early upsets in the men’s tournament, only 0.1% of brackets were still perfect. I mean, how sweet is it that a university named High Point seeded No. 12 would defeat No. 5 Wisconsin, 83-82, in a stunning upset. Or that No. 6 North Carolina would fall to 11th seed VCU, 82-78.

I wasn’t even sure where High Point University, fondly known as HPU and VCU (aka, Virginia Commonwealth University) were located. (For those keeping track, it’s High Point, North Carolina, and Richmond, Virginia.)

All of this began in 1939. It’s now known as The Big Dance and has evolved into one of America’s greatest annual sporting events where 60-plus teams nationwide play their hearts out to win the championship title. Did I mention it’s a single-elimination tournament? One loss, and you’re toast.

Can you say University of Florida, who lost to Iowa, 73-72? Later, Gators.

It is March, after all. It is madness. May the best teams win.

Speaking of Florida, Rebecca and I have once again entered the Anna Maria Island NCAA Bracket Challenge run by our guy Dan, the dude we’ve rented from every winter for the past dozen years in Bradenton Beach, Florida. It’s all about winning, baby.

And the grand prize? A free, one-week stay at a Dan’s Florida Condos vacation home in Bradenton Beach. As my great-nephew Andrew texted, “I’d wanna win that prize.” Yeah, bruh.

Choosing brackets is fun, even when you are a couple of green (and blue) “bracketologists” who honestly don’t know what the heck they’re doing. Our strategy is a combination of using our heads and hearts to predict the teams that will make it past the first two rounds, survive the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 rounds, then advance to the Final Four.

(Note: We’re selecting only the men’s teams because the women are not part of this bracket contest. But we keep a separate sheet and follow the women’s games, too. I’m still a fan of South Carolina coach Dawn Staley and LSU’s Kim Mulkey, mostly because I watched them play in the 1980s. They’re both Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame inductees. But I prefer Staley’s style over Mulkey’s – fashion notwithstanding.)

Keep your bags packed, my dear. As of today, your beloved Spartan girl who apparently can’t load the dishwasher properly ranked seventh among 302 brackets. Seventh!

At press time, Rebecca was ranked at 197, but that could change like the weather.

Before it’s all over, I’d once again love to see that Michigan State University cheerleader who shaved off his hair, dyed his head orange and added well-placed stripes turning his bald dome into a basketball. Pretty gutsy.

Some would call that shear madness.

(Editor’s note: The main image for this blog post was created using the online Artificial Intelligence app ChatGPT. It’s the free version, which is why that “Burher” banner on the top left makes no sense and my ringless fingers look like Vienna sausages!)

(YouTube video: I learned something new in researching this post’s featured music video, “The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of.” The song title comes from the 1941 film “The Maltese Falcon” starring Humphrey Bogart. This soft-rock song by Carly Simon is from her 1987 album “Coming Around Again.” Its hopeful lyrics are about finding the perfect love in ordinary moments. The video is from her HBO special “Live from Martha’s Vineyard.” Simon turns 83 in June. Perhaps as a nation, we can use this method of finding love in the ordinary and in each other as well to create a more perfect union. Wouldn’t that be extraordinary?)