Trip Ticks

Are we there yet?

SOMEWHERE ON I-75 – Most people find the drive down I-75 south from Michigan to Florida long and boring.

Count me as one of them.

It’s all I can do not to lose what’s left of my mind during the 1,300-mile journey into America’s other undrained swamp.

Last week was no different. We left at 6 a.m. on a Tuesday and drove for 13 hours until 7 p.m. that evening. We even made it past Atlanta through rush hour and then to Macon. That’s 830 miles, give or take a few pit stops.

Welcome to Florida.

Good grief. Not exactly my word choice, but yes. Endless.

You keep going and see signs for Valdosta every so often until you’ve just about had it, and finally, there it is: “Welcome to Florida.” Yippee!

Once you’re through Georgia, you have this notion that you’re almost there. You are not.

Honestly, the best thing about driving I-75 south through Florida is the road signs. From kitschy souvenir shops and risqué truck stops to threatening signs for us sinners, if you’ve seen one … well, you really haven’t seen them all.

Each trip along this billboard paradise brings views never before seen and twisted necks that would make a chiropractor swoon as you say, “Did you see that crazy sign?”

Here’s a look at some memorable road signs from the final leg of our adventure into the Sunshine State:

TANK YOU, LORD: This startling gem is actually in Georgia but too scary not to include.
FREE GATOR BITES: Please keep all limbs inside the boat.
SNIPPET: So, if they don’t use needles or scalpels, then what are the other available options?
BARELY THERE: Do you suppose they have Purell dispensers?
I BRAKE FOR EELS: This is disturbing on so many levels, even by Florida standards.
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT: You have the right to remain … WTH?
COW’S VALENTINE: My personal favorite, even though it’s an ad for Chick-fil-A.

If you have a favorite billboard from I-75 or some other highway or byway, please share it with us in the comments.

Retired print journalist and blogger.❤️🐾

12 Comments

  • Cheryl Evola

    Florida billboards are not as good as the Burma Shave ones. Talk about a twisted neck! However, I digress. My favorite billboard was one with HUGE letters that said “Secede” with a phone number. Unfortunately, I was driving too fast to get the number. Agree with the sentiment however, just not sure if it’s for them or me.

  • Margie Smith

    I love your blog, Jennifer. It’s very much like mine, and I am also a retired print journalist. I think WordPress is what you’re using, and it’s much better than weebly.com. I wish I could switch, but it seems like a lot of trouble and I might lose some of my readers.

    I was features editor for a community newspaper for nearly 20 years. My blog is called The Newfangled Gramma and can be found at margiereinssmith.weebly.com. Keep up the good writing!

    • Jennifer John

      Thanks, Margie. Appreciate that very much. Yes, I used WordPress and have the scars to prove it. Not the most user-friendly platform, but it may be easier than weebly.com I can’t wait to subscribe to The Newfangled Gramma!

      • Margie Smith

        Jennifer: I have no idea how to set up a way for my readers to subscribe. I’ll ask Weebly. Currently, I have a group of people from my contact list who I remind, every Monday morning, that I have updated my blog. There must be a better way.

  • Corky O’Reilly

    I’m going to definitely pay more attention to those road signs as I venture down the same path tomorrow morning! Love, Big Sis 😘

  • John Davis

    We often travel the “asphalt covered swamp” that traveling in Florida is. We visited Matt and Chris Strickling near Naples last year, and I longed for the days going to Michigan because it is a hell of a lot closer. So how did you enjoy your coffee at the Cafe Risque? lol

  • Connie

    Did you take the Beast down — and I’m not referring to Rebecca! LOL — the camper. Did she let you drive? Have fun!