Thursday evening – Cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, I heard these three words meld into one as they filtered upstairs from the family room. “Ugh … oh … OHH!“ The last time I heard this sound there was a stink bug the size of a Buick on the living room ceiling. I ran downstairs. OK, I walked really fast. What? I asked Rebecca. “Something just ran across the fireplace hearth.” What something? “I think it was a mouse.” A mouse? Holy crap. Where did it go? “Dump out Maddie’s toy box.” Right. What am I? Some kind of an idiot? I dumped out the dog’s toy box. And with that, a…
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Maddie May
In March, on one of our last nights in Florida, I woke up at 3 a.m. to get a glass of water (not), and while sitting on the commode, a dog walked out of the shower. Bad dream? No. Startling? Yes. Thankfully, it was our dog. “I know, I know. It’s OK. She chose it,” Rebecca said after hearing me gasp at the sight of a ghostly white creature ogling me from the stall. “Chose it? What the heck are you talking about?” I asked, stumbling back into bed. We had been having another typical southwest Florida storm, complete with heavy rains, loud booms of thunder and frightening flashes of lightning. Nothing ever bothered Madison in her youth. She was fearless, except for the vacuum. But somewhere along the way, she became afraid…
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The violin guy
Pulling into the shopping center around the corner from our house, I couldn’t believe my ears. I heard music playing in the springtime air. Beautiful music. Was that “Amazing Grace” coming from inside Great Clips? Or a Romanian folk song booming from The UPS Store? Couldn’t be. This was a strip mall in suburbia USA, for goodness’ sake. It was 2:30 in the afternoon, and my eyes were still dilated and somewhat blurry after seeing my retinal specialist that morning. (I’m fine.) I couldn’t see a darn thing, but I trusted my ears. At least my good one. There he was standing in the parking lot next to a curb…
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The new ‘F’ word
It’s a good thing I’m not single. Obviously, this is for various reasons we won’t go into here, and not only because there are plenty of undesirable creatures in the dating deep blue sea. But that’s neither here nor there. If I had to put myself out there again (lordy, just typing that gave me shivers!), my primary concern would not be someone’s astrological sign, a predilection for dogs over cats, or their inclination to enjoy long walks on the beach. No, my friends, at the top of my list would be whether they had gotten their shots. Not for dreaded rabies or distemper, although wouldn’t that be helpful during…
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Alexa, you’re OK
This morning as she was pouring her first cup of coffee, Rebecca greeted her new BFF, who now lives in our kitchen. “Alexa, good morning.” “Good morning, Rebecca.” Meet the Echo Show 8, middle child of Amazon’s Alexa-powered HD smart displays. Alexa then proceeded to give us the history of the abbreviation “OK,” one of the most common words in the English language, that traces its roots back to the 19th century Boston. I’m thinking, OK, it’s Tuesday, March 23, and that’s all I really needed to know. Apparently in 1839, abbreviations were all the rage (think today’s LOL and OMG), and “OK” first appeared as a short version for “Oll…
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Memorial day
A year ago, Rebecca and I had just returned from Florida, and before you could say “corned beef and cabbage,” the state of Michigan was in lockdown a week after St. Patrick’s Day. Sadly, today marks one year since the first COVID-19 case in Michigan: March 10, 2020. In a year, there have been 652,589 cases in our state. We’ve lost 16,589 Michiganders to the novel coronavirus that causes COVID-19. We personally know of several lives lost, but the one that touched ours closest was our friend, William Brinson, who died April 10, 2020. He was 67, a southern gentleman who worked more than 45 years at General Motors. Dinah,…
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Floaters
SOMEWHERE IN SARASOTA: Tuesday, March 2 – The mounting pressure from the ice pick in my left eye and intense brain freeze was a hundred times worse than the $4 “Pain in the Ass” headache we had gotten at the Daiquiri Deck on Bridge Street the week before. That’s a drink, by the way, “guaranteed to change your attitude.” It’s their hybrid Pina Colada/Rum Runner mixed with 151 proof rum. I could use one. For now, however, I’ll stick with two Extra Strength Tylenol every 6 hours and an ice pack. Let’s just say my Tuesday wasn’t fun. I’m ready to go home now. I actually want my mom. If you’ve ever had eye floaters – black…
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A year in a life
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred moments, so dear Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes How do you measure? Measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee, In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes, How, do you measure a year in a life? — “Seasons of Love” from the 1996 musical Rent by Jonathan Larson I woke up this morning with a song playing in my head, which I often do, sometimes for no apparent reason. But today was different, and the reason was as clear as the Anna Maria Island sky in winter. The song was…
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Pickleball partners
BRADENTON BEACH, Florida – I am all in for any game that involves staying out of the kitchen. Of course, I’m speaking of America’s fastest-growing sport: pickleball. Yes, the one with the funny name that your perpetually suntanned uncle or 70-ish grandmother who looks 50 plays. Those in the know say it’s easy to learn, fun to play and highly addictive. You may consider it beneath you to play something named after a Cockapoo called Pickles, but hear me out. Even TV host Ellen DeGeneres declared herself among the sport’s biggest fans, proudly known as a “pickler.” She brought it up on her show last fall with perplexed guest Gayle King…
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COVID-Schmovid?
“Why are all those freakin’ people there?” I asked in disbelief Sunday night, just before the opening kickoff of Super Bowl LV, between stirs of my homemade Sloppy Joes. Rebecca kindly explained that there were actually 25,000 fans at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, and about 7,500 of them were vaccinated health care workers who had received tickets to the game as front-line heroes. The sea of “faces” I saw were mostly cardboard-cutouts of real people – 30,000 of them, to be exact – who paid $100 each to have a virtual presence in the stadium. And, she added, they all had a social media link to find themselves on “fan cam” and possibly…
