Be a Moose

Today’s joke: Do moose charge you? Only if you can’t pay cash.

Even my great-nephew Andrew, who likely has a promising future in standup comedy, would add that one to his material.

Why all of this moose talk, you ask? I’ll tell you.

It’s official: We are moose. Well, Rebecca is anyway.

No, not Bullwinkle J. Moose, the 6-foot-tall orange one with yellow antlers who starred in the 1960’s cartoon with his buddy Rocket J. Squirrel. And not the Bullwinkle who wore his signature white gloves and occasional “Wossmotta U” sweater. (Tee hee.)

I’m talking Moose with a capital M, my friends, as in The Loyal Order of the Moose.

To join, you must be invited and sponsored by a current member in good standing. A longtime Moose, one of our Michigan friends who spends winters in Cortez, Florida, sponsored Rebecca.

They don’t let just anybody become a Moose. You can’t be a felon or a terrorist, and you must “profess a belief in a Supreme Being,” which I’m not quite as clear about. (Is that including, but not limited to, Santa Claus?)

Doesn’t matter. Just a few days after applying online (BeaMoose.org) and paying her $60 annual dues plus $20 fee, Rebecca received an email confirming her membership to the Bradenton Beach AMI Moose Lodge 2188.

To be clear, she’s the main Moose of the house. I’m a guest.

The organization’s new policy is that a member may bring a guest (or a couple), and they are limited to two visits. All guests must be signed in and leave when the member leaves. And the member must pick up the tab.

Not sure if Rebecca saw that in the fine print.

Fun fact: Chartered in 1968, Moose Lodge 2188 is the largest in the world with roughly 15,000 dues-paying members. Not surprising, since it offers a private, members-only bar on the Gulf of Mexico with beachfront parking, an island rarity.

You can’t miss this place. The sky blue, two-story building on AMI’s south end is decorated with colorful murals featuring an octopus, manatees, coral reefs and, of course, a surfing moose. Some general Moose highlights:

• The organization’s roots can be traced to 1888 when Moose founder Dr. Henry Wilson, successfully established the first Lodge in Louisville, Kentucky. It was strictly a men’s social club. No women. No minorities. No joke.

• That finally changed over the years when women, formerly secondary “auxiliary” members, were allowed to join as full-fledged members creating a more unified community now known as “One Moose.”

• In addition, I was pleased to see a Diversity Statement on the mooseintl.org website, along with a photo of an actual Black couple. And there were also people of color in their official online Moose Magazine (Dec-Jan issue) – and not just the children they support.

• As a primary mission, $38 of the $60 dues paid by Moose members supports Mooseheart Child City & School, a 1,000-acre campus just west of Chicago, which cares for young children and teens who have lost their parents. Another mission is caring for senior members at Moosehaven, located near Jacksonville, a 63-acre retirement community completely funded by the Moose.

• Total Moose membership worldwide is more than a million.

• There are more than 1,500 Moose Lodge locations across all 50 states and four Canadian provinces, plus Great Britain.

• Why did they choose a moose? For the animal’s size, strength and devotion to protecting its family, that’s why. Unlike the female praying mantis who bites off her mate’s head after sex, but not before he helps her with some shelves. (See classic New Yorker cartoon.)

Back to this blog’s beginning.

All kidding aside, four-legged moose are not normally aggressive, but they can become so if harassed or when they’re hungry and tired. Any moose, at any time of year, may respond aggressively if provoked by your presence, though the chances of a confrontation increase during certain times of year, particularly in winter.

Like when you’re a guest trying to find Lodge 2188’s restroom and some two-legged white-haired Moose wags his finger at you asking who signed you in.

I’m not saying that happened, but it’s possible. No joke.