This just in: After sleeping in a recliner since I was released from the hospital June 6, last night I opted for the big-girl bed in our guest room. It was a painful yet necessary step in my recuperation after an MVR/Maze procedure by Dr. Steven Bolling at the University of Michigan Hospital in Ann Arbor on May 31.
The agony of lying in a supine position after open-heart surgery is hard to describe to those who have never had open-heart surgery. In my case, I had OHS via sternotomy in 2001, and a thoracotomy this time. The initial pain from either method falls somewhere between stepping on hot, rusty nails to swallowing broken glass.
Honestly, after settling in, I don’t think I moved a muscle all night. I woke up at 6:30 this morning having to pee, of course. I delayed the inevitable task of getting out of bed for what seemed like an eternity. Rebecca let our dog Maddie out, made a pot of coffee and got the Sunday newspapers.
Upon her return, I suggested she come back tomorrow.
My UofM PT Molly had walked me through this getting-out-of-bed dance twice during my hospital stay. The first time it hurt so much I wanted to throttle her into next week. The second time I was kinder, gentler “Oxy Jen” and insisted she sign my blue UofM heart patient pillow. “Are you sure about that?” she asked.
Anyway, here’s the drill: Lean on your good side (my left), swing your legs off the bed and push your body up with your left arm. Easy peasy. One, two, three … ready, set … No. Go. Dammit.
“Can you please put the bed up?” I asked Rebecca.
“Um, we don’t have that kind of bed,” she said.
“Well, we should,” I countered.
Then, mustering all of my 58-year-old super powers, I grabbed my heart pillow, leaned, dangled and pushed my bad-ass self up like a champ.
Tears of joy flowed, and I knew this was just one more step toward wellness.
“Jesus, who do you have to sleep with to get a cup of coffee around here?” I said.
Have a wonderful Father’s Day, my friends.
(Copyright 2018)
