Full of beans

There I was, the day after Thanksgiving, standing in Aisle #5 at our neighborhood Kroger grocery store. Staring at the coffee. I had been tasked with picking up a few items for Rebecca, who was making homemade soup – not one but two kinds: split pea with ham and turkey vegetable with egg noodles. Yummy leftovers are just one of the perks of spending Thanksgiving with a couple of culinary guys who routinely serve Italian sausage, chicken wings and Wagyu sliders as … appetizers. (You two are too fabulous for words, B&T. Even the ambrosia was to die for!) Anyhow, my shopping list included five things: celery, carrots, potatoes, chicken broth and egg noodles. Easy-peasy. The store wasn’t busy, so I managed to zip through the aisles and get everything I needed in record time. For me, at least.

But there was one detour. And honestly, I still have no idea why I stopped in the coffee aisle. We certainly didn’t need it, but a part of me wanted to see for myself how much it had gone up in the past few weeks.

And there it was: a wall of coffee brands from Café Bustelo to Folgers and Maxwell House, to Dunkin’ Donuts, Tim Horton’s and Seattle’s Best. Folgers’ 27.5-ounce Original Roast was $15.99 – the same price as their 22.6-ounce Breakfast Blend mild roast and Classic Roast medium blend. A small 9.6 ounce can was $8.49, even more expensive. Three of those equals 28.8 ounces for … $25.47!

To quote my frugal father from above: “Are you out of your mind, babe? They’re full of beans!”

This from the same man who used to run his first pot of grounds through a second time and boast that it was just fine.

Indeed. According to Mr. Googly, the price of coffee has skyrocketed for several reasons, including but not limited to, these reasons: extreme weather (droughts and heavy rains) that damaged crops in key producing regions such as Brazil and Vietnam, increased tariffs on imported beans (imports from Brazil face a 50 percent duty, Vietnam 20 percent), as well as ongoing supply chain issues and disruptions from the Covid-19 pandemic.

Another less notable factor? Farmers. Years of underpayment have made it nearly impossible for farmers to invest in their farms. Combine that with climate change, and you have crapola production capacity.

In September, the average retail price for ground roast coffee reached a record high of $9.14 per pound, up more than 9 percent since April, according to U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics data. That’s 41 percent higher than September 2024. October BLS figures are coming, but so is Christmas.

Back to my shopping list. At checkout, chatty cashier Bryan noticed my 5-pound bag of potatoes had torn open. I hadn’t and said it was fine. He wasn’t having any of that.

Ever-efficient Bryan weighed the $2.79 bag of russets, and sure enough it was only 4 pounds.

“Hope no one tripped on any errant spuds in Produce,” I joked. The woman behind me glared.

“Go ahead and pick out a couple of nice Idahos for baking,” Bryan said. “And if anyone says anything, tell them Bryan said it’s to make things right.”

For a split second, I thought of making a “hot potato” thief pun but didn’t.

Make. Things. Right. What a bold concept in this time of war, pestilence, greed and disaster.

Who needs Black Friday and overpriced coffee when you can score a pound of potatoes?

Every little bit helps. Maybe I’ll switch to tea.

(YouTube video: From her 1988 album “Shadowland,” kd lang sang this version of “Black Coffee.” The song was written in 1948 and first recorded by the jazz great Sarah Vaughan. Peggy Lee and Ella Fitzgerald covered it as well. But lang’s unforgettable version is still my favorite.)