No ‘Pizza, Pizza’

Fewer things trouble me in my golden years, mainly because I’m more accepting of what I cannot change and try to take things as they come. And honestly, I just don’t care as much. 

“It is what it is,” to quote just about everyone these days. Such a tiresome expression. Although in this case, it fits.

So, I was a bit surprised at my reaction to something I had read in last week’s Free Press about the Detroit Tigers’ new home run celebration.

For non-fans: Our guys were off to a blazing start — literally batting a thousand, as it were — with an undefeated 5-0 record since they began the 2024 season in March.

But Thursday, that five-game winning streak came to an end. The Tigers lost the second game of a doubleheader against the New York Mets, 2-1.

Their home opener was Friday at Comerica Park against the Oakland A’s. Opening Day is a national holiday in Motown. Kids skip school, adults call in sick to work. Grown men cry during “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”

Welcome to Hitsville, USA.

As for us, we listened to the game on my MLB.com app because viewing it was blacked out, and may I just say this again with all sincerity: Bally Sports Detroit sucks.

You can’t watch if you don’t have traditional cable TV through a provider. But charging $190 to stream your own team’s home games with Bally Sports+? You’re out, Bally!

On Friday, the boys of summer won their home opener, 5-4. And center fielder Matt Vierling crushed the first Tigers homer at home this season. Yea! Then he ran the bases, grabbed a spear holding three fake pizzas and walked the length of the dugout.

Hold your applause, please.

After the team’s less-than-stellar 84-loss performance last year, we’ll take any shred of positivity, including an undefeated start and Opening Day victory. Yes, our expectations are low, but these players are talented, young and hungry, and I’m pulling for them. As always. 

A few favs on my list: infielder Zach McKinstry and center fielder Riley Greene. On the mound, Casey Mize and Tarik Skubal. 

For the first time in 16 seasons, Miguel Cabrera won’t be here to clown around in the dugout or annoy lead-off runners at first. Or hit monster home runs and give us a thrill. He will be missed. 

One other literally big thing: Comerica’s new 15,600-square-foot videoboard is Major League Baseball’s second largest. That’s a lot of pixels.

Back to what I’m peeved about.

This season the players have a new home run celebration using a pizza spear resembling the one carried by the Little Caesars mascot. (For those who aren’t familiar with Detroit and its culinary excellence, the Ilitch family owns the team and the pizza empire.)

Around these parts, it’s not a stretch to hear, “Dudes, is there any way we can get the ‘Pizza Pizza’ guy’s stick?”

Yeah, someone actually thought that was a good idea.

Last season, the Tigers celebrated with a Red Wings helmet and a hockey stick. A guy hit a homer, put on the hockey helmet, carried the stick the length of the dugout and then pretended to take a shot on goal. It was a genuinely fun tribute to another hometown team.

But this year, it’s some cheesy idea pushing pizzas on a stick.

According to The Athletic, home run celebrations have spread to 16 of MLB’s 30 teams. Last year, the Los Angeles Angels — Japanese superstar Shohei Otani, who played for the Angels until this year — used a samurai helmet that cost $2,500.

Apparently, this speared pizzas idea came from Spencer Torkelson, who might want stick to his first-base duties over PR pitches.

“Our (team) owner owns Little Caesars Pizza. So we’re going to give them some love, too. It’s great pizza,” Tork said with his fingers, toes and eyes crossed. 

No. It’s not. Come on, guys. You can’t be serious, as John McEnroe would say.

Stop this gratuitous corporate interference. We get enough of that at Comerica Park.

Make home runs fun again.

One last thought: If we must have Little Caesars “Pizza, Pizza” in the dugout every time a Tiger hits a homer, then could we at least get some quality slices for fans in the stands?

Like Buddy’s, Detroit’s original square pizza located on Six Mile and Conant on the east side. Then maybe add a bocce ball court in the dugout while you’re at it. It would make my Nonno proud.