Life in America has changed like never before, thanks to a family of viruses named for crown-like spikes on their surfaces. Heck, even my dog won’t give me her paw. We can do this, folks. And to think we are doing it all for nothing. As in, here’s what a “successful” shelter-in-place outcome against the new coronavirus that causes COVID-19 disease means: You’re going to feel as if these inconvenient, stay-at-home restrictions were all for nothing. Too extreme? Melodramatic? Anticlimactic? Let’s hope so. Because you’d be right. “The healthy and optimistic among us will doom the vulnerable.” When I first heard those words on TV, they stopped me in my tracks. I…
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Famiglia
“I hope that reading what is happening in Italy, people are convinced that the biggest mistake would be to underestimate this virus and do not make the same mistakes that other European states have made.” Mauro Quaglia, my cousin So, we’re not going to Italy this year. In light of a global pandemic, however, it hardly seems worth mentioning. Next month I have a milestone birthday. (Hint: It’s the new 50.) Our plan was to visit my mother’s birthplace and see relatives who live near Milan in northern Italy, where fashion meets finance. That’s in the Lombardy region, ground zero for the coronavirus epidemic now raging through Italy. Trust me when I…
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My corona
Who knew something that sounds like a Mexican pale lager could trigger mass self-quarantines, a bear stock market and wild conspiracy theories? So much has been written about “novel coronavirus,” the insidious bug causing COVID-19, a disease that has infected tens of thousands of people and killed more than 4,000 as of this moment. Not to worry, my friends. Sales of Corona (the beer, that is) are up. In fact, to help the cause, some theme-partiers in New Jersey threw a COVID-19 bash, complete with hazmat suits and Corona beer. When life throws these East Coast optimists lemons, they make lemonade – or just stuff them in a bottle and…
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It takes a village
SOMEWHERE IN CENTRAL FLORIDA — I admit we were ambivalent about spending the final two days of our trip in this part of the Sunshine State. Don’t get me wrong. We were excited to see where our old friend Sparky plans to spend half the year so she can golf all winter and avoid Michigan when walking to your mailbox with a snow shovel and industrial ice cleats on your boots is a fashion statement. Not that I would know anything about this. It’s a big step. Our snowbird friend is ready to fly, and we’ve never seen her happier. Her new housemate and friend of 30 years is a…
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Annie
There are science-based facts about dogs, other than that they’re loyal, lovable and (sometimes) obedient: They know if we’re happy, sad or angry. They yawn when we yawn. They actually bond when we share a mutual gaze. They feel jealousy. They age faster than humans. Way too fast. My cousin Kerry, a devoted animal mom, wrote this on Facebook a year ago after losing one of her fur babies: “No one tells you how quickly dogs age. How one day you wake up and suddenly their face is all white, how their eyes start to seem more milky than before, how you have to call their name a few more…
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GUEST BLOG: Sorting things out
My women friends – a.k.a., the Ladies of a Certain Age – are doing something we wish our parents had done. About 15 years ago, my cousin, Joan, gave me some advice. Her mother, my Aunt Phyllis, had just passed away. “Do your kids a favor,” Joan said. “Get rid of stuff before you die.” She was sorting through her mother’s possessions – things that Aunt Phyllis had acquired and kept for decades. We, the LOACA, are divesting. We’re getting rid of stuff. Stuff we don’t use. Stuff we don’t need. Stuff we’ll never dredge up or re-purpose or refurbish. Broken stuff, out-of-date, worn out, unfashionable stuff. Things we once treasured, but after we’re…
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Geeks and dolls
Darn, I wish I’d kept my 1964 set of official Beatles dolls. I can still remember the cardboard box they came in marked with “Fragile” in green letters. A set of four was $3.77 at Woolworth’s. Each lad was a smidge over 4 inches tall with a full autograph on his musical instrument. They even had “real Beatle hair with lifelike expressions,” according to an old advertisement I found online. Owning a complete set of these meant you were the coolest kid on the block. Sadly, somewhere along the road from adolescence to puberty, I lost the Paul McCartney doll, meaning my neighborhood coolness level dropped exactly 25%. I still…
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Bumbled
ANNA MARIA ISLAND – It’s Sunday, our first full day in paradise, and I’m sick as a dog with a rotten cold and sore throat. To be clear: I am not feverish. It’s early, and Rebecca’s still sleeping, bless her heart. Maddie’s half-asleep with one eye on the egrets roaming outside our patio and both ears on anything dumb enough to breach our tastefully-decorated condo in Bradenton Beach. Still drowsy, I walk into our rented condo’s kitchen at 7:45 a.m. to make a warm salt water cocktail and gargle away my ickiness. To escape some of Michigan’s winter, we’re renting a place at Runaway Bay, a lovely complex off Cortez…
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Are we there yet?
SOMEWHERE ON I-75 – Most people find the drive down I-75 south from Michigan to Florida long and boring. Count me as one of them. It’s all I can do not to lose what’s left of my mind during the 1,300-mile journey into America’s other undrained swamp. Last week was no different. We left at 6 a.m. on a Tuesday and drove for 13 hours until 7 p.m. that evening. We even made it past Atlanta through rush hour and then to Macon. That’s 830 miles, give or take a few pit stops. Good grief. Not exactly my word choice, but yes. Endless. You keep going and see signs for Valdosta every so often until you’ve just about had…
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Freeze frame
Much to my great-niece Elia’s dismay, I had never seen the first “Frozen.” “Seriously? Don’t you guys ever go to the movies?” she asked with more than a hint of teenage judginess. As if. I swear she’s 13 going on 21. There I was at the Emagine Rochester Hills movie theater waiting for my sister and four of her grandchildren. Who on earth goes to the movies at 10:30 on a Saturday morning? Lots of children and seniors, including the six of us, apparently. After the previews ended with about a minute to spare until the movie was starting, I leaned over and asked Elia what the first “Frozen” from…
