Perk-ulated?

The COVID-19 hits just keep on coming.

Now a shot in the arm may not only get you a million bucks, but also a seat at the movies. Or a table inside a restaurant. Even a workout among other so-called elites who have the sense to be fully vaccinated.

Rather than resort to mandates, which apparently violate the right to remain healthy, this new idea is to incentivize the unvaccinated with perks to get them inoculated. Money, food, fitness. That sort of thing.

I’m OK with that.

As I told an anti-vaxxer the other day: “If you aren’t vaccinated, you can’t hug me. There’s a consequence.”

Not that it would matter to some. Who wants your stinkin’ hugs anyway, Jennifer?

Pandemic society’s new pro-choice dilemma is perfectly clear: Inoculate or isolate. Period.

It’s kind of like having a tree house when you were a kid. If others didn’t follow the rules, they couldn’t come in. The rule-breakers had to play outside.

And if your inner child must be coaxed into getting vaccinated with a carrot rather than a stick, then let’s at least give it a cool name: “perk-ulated.”

“Hey, Wilma, have you and Fred been perk-ulated yet? Barney and I are, and we’re going to the gym and then dinner and a movie. Eat your heart out, you shut-ins!”

It’s long past time that those 30% of Americans who choose not to be vaccinated for whatever reason — chief among them, fear and loathing of the government and a deep mistrust of science — suffer a more meaningful consequence for their inaction. Other than death, I mean.

Frankly, I’m tired of paying the price for their selfishness.

What’s it going to take for one-third of Americans to take the shot and this COVID-19 pandemic seriously? Let’s see:

• Global concern for their fellow human beings? Nope. This, despite the fact that the known total of global coronavirus cases has surpassed 200 million infections, a daunting figure that doesn’t begin to capture how much the virus has changed the world.

• Compassion for their U.S. brothers and sisters, including the more than 614,000 who have died of the virus as of yesterday? Nope. Instead, there’s a growing political divide over whether mask-wearing is a choice or a socialist ploy, and if requiring COVID-19 vaccinations is a violation of your civil rights. Even the World Health Organization has called for a moratorium on booster shots until September to help countries get more people fully vaccinated in the first place.

• FDA approval of at least one of the vaccines? Maybe. I’ve heard this tired excuse given by many folks who don’t trust such a speedy vaccine for a coronavirus that had been researched behind the scenes for over a decade. However, there is some good news for these pseudo-scientists: The Federal Drug Administration could grant full approval to Pfizer’s vaccine by early September. Here’s hoping.

Meantime, reports show COVID-19 hot spots across the United States (read: the more contagious Delta variant, which now makes up 80 percent of cases nationwide) comprise a whole new crop of patients: those in their 20s and 30s. Nearly all of them are unvaccinated, become much sicker and then deteriorate more rapidly. Doctors have coined a new phrase describing them: “younger, sicker, quicker.”

If that doesn’t scare the crap out of younger folks, nothing will.

No one likes being told what to do. I certainly don’t. Ask Rebecca if you need proof.

But trust me, when you see me at Kroger fondling avocados in the produce aisle behind an N-95 and dare to question my motives, I won’t give you an earful. I’ll just say I’m masking for a friend.

If doing good for the benefit of others isn’t in your DNA, then think of it this way: Your mask is your seat belt. Your vaccination is your airbag. Both protect you.

(Editor’s note: The pins shown in both images used in this post can be ordered from Dissent Pins, where 50% of the profits from your purchases are donated to charity organizations big and small that are making the world a better place. Since 2016, they have donated nearly $700,000 to organizations doing important work, such as defending our democracy. Check out their website at dissentpins.com)