The new ‘F’ word

It’s a good thing I’m not single.

Obviously, this is for various reasons we won’t go into here, and not only because there are plenty of undesirable creatures in the dating deep blue sea.

But that’s neither here nor there.

If I had to put myself out there again (lordy, just typing that gave me shivers!), my primary concern would not be someone’s astrological sign, a predilection for dogs over cats, or their inclination to enjoy long walks on the beach.

No, my friends, at the top of my list would be whether they had gotten their shots.

Not for dreaded rabies or distemper, although wouldn’t that be helpful during arguments? I’m referring to injections of Pfizer or Moderna or just one shot of J&J to be fully vaccinated against COVID-19, the deadly disease caused by a novel coronavirus that’s killed more than 562,000 Americans.

The idea puts a whole new spin on safe sex, doesn’t it?

Turns out, and in keeping with most things that no longer matter to me at my age, I’m way ahead of the curve on this one. Refusing to abide pandemic precautions and not getting vaxxed are actually reasons for not dating or even dumping someone.

It’s called – and I swear this is true – to “Fauci” someone.

So. Good. If I smoked, I’d light one up.

Coined by the dating site Plenty of Fish (a.k.a, “POF,” or so I’ve heard), the phrase “to Fauci” someone supposedly involves cutting them off for not taking this COVID-19 stuff seriously.

Let’s say you meet the person of your dreams, and they refuse to wear a mask. Or they won’t wash their hands properly to the tune of “Happy Birthday.” (Sung not once but twice because 20 seconds is just enough time to kill those germs.)

A hoax? Just the flu? No vaxxin’ for me, sister.

Then not a snowball’s chance for you, mister.

An aside: With a pleasing, fish-themed color scheme, the POF app has a simple layout, discourages inappropriate language and is free. Biggest drawback: It’s free. Think two-legged quantity over quality. Not that I would know.

Not surprisingly, the term is named after Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, who also is chief medical adviser to President Biden. Based on science and data, Fauci has been urging Americans to take the pandemic seriously, even when some previous residents of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue would not.

Added to the Urban Dictionary in November, the dating world’s new F-word has evolved into several parts of speech, including:

• Verb: “She’s fun to hang out with, but I had to Fauci her.”
• Noun: “Well done, Biff, that was so Fauci of you!”
• Adjective: “Dude, definitely a Fauci move on your part.”

You know you’ve got bigger fish to fry when your last name becomes a grammar nerd’s trifecta, and you don’t even realize it. Then again, to continue this word nerd bonanza, let’s not forget the English translation for the Italian word fauci: jaws.

Yikes! A Fauci Ouchie.

I’m pleased to report that as of this week, Rebecca and I will each be fully protected and beyond the two-week, post-vaccination window of safety.

We prefer to think of this as our duty and what any Great American would do to help end this insufferable pandemic once and for all.

We are relieved but remain diligent, and will continue to mask up in public, wash our hands and keep our distance – including, but not limited to, while researching dating apps.

(Main photo by HaleyCreatesStuff)