Three funerals and a pizza

What’s on your calendar? Perhaps it’s my maturity or the generation of most of my friends and family, but lately I’ve had more doctor’s appointments, physical therapy visits and drive-thru pharmacy pickups than date nights.

Oh, and funerals. Last week I attended three. It was rather unnerving.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful to be here to attend these celebrations of life and pay my respects to some outstanding people.

But facing my own mortality as I wind down in what is my “third act” of life, I find that I am not done yet, and I intend to savor each and every day.

Aside: I’ve got to say, one troubling aspect of this third act business is how I’m getting closer to resembling my parents – and those silly yet engaging Progressive Insurance commercials.

You’ve seen them, I’m sure. The ones where “parental-life coach” Dr. Rick (portrayed by Bill Glass) is on a mission to save people from turning into their parents. Even for me, muter of all TV ads, these are just too good to fast-forward through:

• Texting: “It might be a fruit emoji, but that doesn’t mean they’re talking about fruit.”
• Posting: “Do you really think we need 47 photos of ‘fun dinner at Pam’s’”?
• Security: Dr. Rick to homeowner cleaning and ID’g his trash cans: “So you put your address and phone number on here?”

That last one gets me every time. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Each of the three funerals I attended last week affected my heart. They made me weep and smile and count my blessings – and not only because we’re approaching Thanksgiving.

There is a phrase those of the Jewish faith say to mourners when a person dies: May their memory be for a blessing.

It is an expression of hope. When we say that phrase, the blessing implied is that it is up to those who bear their memory to keep their goodness alive.

Keep their goodness alive. I like the sound of that. Let’s start now.

Robert Spencer Turner

May 4, 1948 ~ November 9, 2023

Rob, our neighbor across the street, was married to his wife Jane for 48 years. A retired United Association Local 636 pipefitter, Rob was a kind man with a wicked sense of humor.

I met Jane about 10 years ago after I knocked on her front door to tell her that I’d accidentally hit their mailbox. Trashed it, really. And the left rear quarter panel of my SUV.

“Hi, I’m Jennifer from across the street, and I just mowed down your mailbox.” (Nice icebreaker.)

Jane looked at me and in all seriousness said that it was too bad her husband wasn’t home. Seeing me sweat, she quickly added: “Because he would have gotten a real kick out of it! Do you known how many times that mailbox has been hit?” she said laughing.

After a brief illness, Rob passed away on November 9. He was 75. Rob adored his family, especially his two grandsons, Luke and Kenny.

On November 15, a funeral Mass was held for Rob at Guardian Angels Catholic Church in Clawson, Michigan. The church was filled with family and friends, and those who worked with him for so many years.

I’ll miss Rob and think of him every time I start up the RV. Although he never, ever entered the Beast, as we like to call it, Rob loved to drive long distances. And he knew if he set foot in that 24-foot motorhome he’d want to buy one.

So instead, he kept a close eye on us from across the street. “The Girls,” as he called us, watching for clues that we were planning another trip.

RIP, Rob.

Linda Kaye Powers

May 2, 1942 ~ October 28, 2023

Linda was an old friend of Rebecca’s from back in the day. I didn’t know her well, but she was a lovely woman with the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen.

She was a kind, quiet and unassuming woman who loved her animals – such lucky fur babies! – taking care of people and tending to her condo in Rochester Hills.

The last few months of her life were difficult. She was in and out of hospice care, rebounding each time when most people thought, “Oh, no, this is it.” Guess she wasn’t ready to go. Unfinished business and all that.

Toward the end of her life, Linda had several visitors who made her feel loved. It was a testament to how she had treated others that they showed up when she needed comfort.

On November 17, Linda’s graveside memorial service was held at Roseland Park Cemetery in Berkley. Her sister Chris gave a wonderful eulogy about how much her sister loved animals, sports (including the Detroit Lions!) and how she was a caregiver to many, including their parents.

One interesting aside was that Linda had posted 3×5 cards in various nooks and crannies throughout her condo with handwritten sayings and quotes she loved. Such words of wisdom as these:

• “Be good to people. You will be remembered more for your kindness than any level of success you could possibly attain.”

• “It’s not what you gather, but what you scatter that tell you what kind of life you lived.”

Following the service, her family held a luncheon at Alibi of Troy, a restaurant known for its pizza, to celebrate her life. Linda loved Alibi pizza.

Linda passed away on October 28. She was 82.

I’ll miss her and the kindness she brought to those who had the privilege to know her.

RIP, Linda.

Joseph Gerald Sayers

September 8, 1942 ~ October 29, 2023

Joe was an educator in Warren Consolidated Schools and a principal at the same high school I graduated from. He was named Macomb County Principal of the Year in 2000-2001. Later, after retirement, he taught classes at Wayne State and Oakland universities.

I didn’t know Joe, but his wife, Julie, is a friend of mine from my past volunteer work at Assistance League.

On November 18, a Memorial Mass was held for Joe at St. Andrew Catholic Church in Rochester, Michigan.

His oldest brother, Father Ray Sayers, gave a heartfelt eulogy tracing Joe’s life from a young boy growing up in Ferndale to a talented teen-ager playing high school sports at St. James.

Being a teacher was Joe’s gift, and he was revered by his students.

After numerous health struggles, Joe passed away on October 29. He was 81. Above all else, Joe loved his family and friends. He had two grandchildren, Logan and Layne.

RIP, Joe.

***

Recalling my own parents’ funerals — just five months apart — doesn’t make me as sad anymore, the way it did when their passing was so raw. For mom, it was December 2008. Then May 2009 for dad.

Of course, I still miss them and wish they were here, particularly to see their 11 great-grandchildren grow up to become good humans.

The simple fact was that after 64 years together, my father couldn’t live without my mother. It wasn’t a perfect marriage. They argued early and often, and had their complicated mutual dance of silence down to a science. Sometimes it lasted for days, even weeks.

But once the dust settled — and it always did —  their foundation of love remained. Only death could break it.

I like to think they’re up there somewhere looking down sending good vibes to help guide us through our days.

And I’m certain that over the past 15 years, I have felt Mom’s caring hand on my shoulder and seen Dad’s loving gaze in my mind’s eye on more than one occasion when I needed them most.

May their memory be for a blessing.

Tonight, we’re keeping goodness alive and ordering an Alibi pizza.