WWJT?

Another Memorial Day is upon us, and I can’t help but think of my father, a proud U.S. Army Air Force veteran of World War II, and wonder what he might say about the state of our country. That’s 20-year-old PFC James John in the photo above, circa 1942. He left this world on May 20, 2009, and not surprisingly, my mind naturally leans into fond memories of Dad this time of year. A man of few words, the original Jimmy John would surely have strong opinions about current news events, including his beloved Detroit Tigers’ dismal record in the AL Central Division’s basement. “Overpaid bums,” he’d likely say. He’d also no doubt have thoughts about America as a nation approaching its 250th anniversary. Let’s call this WWJT: “What would Jimmy think?” I’ll do my best to keep it PG-rated, for the sensitive ears of his great-grandchildren — and his daughters. Here we go.

Me: “Hey, Dad, how’s it going? Really miss you. Got time to talk?”

Dad: “Sure, babe. Nothing but time up here. Your mother’s still getting ready. Some things never change. But I kind of like going shopping with her now. Everything’s free. It’s heavenly.”

Me: “So anyway, today is Memorial Day, dedicated to mourning and honoring those who have served and died in our Armed Forces. I know you’ve been out of this world’s loop for a while, but I thought you could offer some insight into what’s happening down here.”

Dad: “Such as? Please do not ask me about the Tigers. Overpaid bums.”

Me: “I won’t. But speaking of overpaid bums, what about the Department of Justice giving a pass to our current president, who sued his own Treasury Department and wants to use a $1.776 billion settlement in taxpayer money to reward people who fomented the January 6, 2021, Capitol riot that tried to keep him in office after he lost the 2020 election? The acting U.S. attorney general calls it a ‘compensation fund.’ Anybody who feels they were wronged can file a claim. Even the My Pillow guy.”

Dad: “What? Mike Lindell? Jeez oh Pete. I’d rather talk about the Tigers. But all of this sounds more like a slush fund to me. Using taxpayer money to pay off convicted felons who were already pardoned? Even the fund amount is irritating. ‘1776’? Always trying to be cute, these people.”

Me: “There’s more. The president, his family and their businesses can never be audited. This fund deal forfeits any claims. No liability whatsoever. Isn’t that rich?”

Dad: “No, but he is. And this con man’s still a popular president? How can Americans support this BS? He makes ‘Tricky Dick’ Nixon look like a cat burglar. Sorry, can I say ‘Dick’?”

Me: “You just did. Twice. And to think the current administration is willing to sacrifice the public’s approval for stronger controls over the levers of institutional power. He’s gaining leverage over the system before there’s enough opposition to throw the bums out in the upcoming mid-term election and beyond.”

Dad: “Sounds like a ‘Dick-tator’ to me. See what I did there? I’m much more relaxed now. Your mother loves it.”

Me: “I see that. And what about this same guy tearing down the East Wing of the White House to build a $400 million ballroom the size of a Kohl’s department store?”

Dad: “I’d like to refer that one to your mother, if you don’t mind. Home and decor was never my thing. But Donald must like to dance.”

Me: “How about we lighten things up a bit? And after 11 years, Stephen Colbert’s “Late Show” on CBS has ended. So disappointing. If there ever was a modern-day political satirist like Mark Twain, Stephen Colbert may have been it.”

Dad: “Who? If he’s anything like that weird Letterman guy, I don’t like him. Now Johnny, he was the best. Carson killed me with that ‘Carnac the Magnificent’ skit. Loved the turban.”

Me: “OK, OK. Speaking of the Middle East, our current president – who actually has called members of our military “suckers” and “losers” – also has gotten the United States into a war with Iran. American lives have been lost. No one knows exactly why.”

Dad: “Terrible. War is hell. Let me guess: The price of gas has skyrocketed. You know, both of my parents were immigrants who came here from Syria in the early 1900s. They left seeking a better life in America. My father avoided being conscripted into the Turkish Army. He fled oppression and dictatorship. He wanted no part of it. Neither did my mother, who was smart and wealthy but got out to avoid an arranged marriage.”

Me: “Yeah, instead, she married a poor but handsome man for love. Beautiful story.”

Dad: “Speaking of beautiful, my bride is ready. Anything else, babe? Next time, we’ll talk sports and the price of gas, I promise.”

Me: “OK, Dad. You’re on.”

Dad: “Check your oil, babe. And always make sure your tank is half full.”

Thank you for your service, Dad.

(YouTube video: Formerly known as The Dixie Chicks, here are The Chicks performing “Travelin’ Soldier” at the 2001 CMA Awards. Written by country music artist Bruce Robison, this song highlights the personal costs of war by telling the story of a young, lonesome soldier and his romance with a hometown girl.)